If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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