For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize