dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
