Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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