i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
