goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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