I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
