He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
