Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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