Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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