I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
