I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
