in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
