Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Randomize
