Quick, to the slutcave!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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