Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up under a house in Key West
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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