But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
