It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
