This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
