Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
