Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
