I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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