its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
