I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
