I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
