She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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