I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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