You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
