I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
