you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
