Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
