I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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