chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
