i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
