Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
