its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
