im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
