i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
