Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
