I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
