he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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