so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
