Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
