I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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