So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
