At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize