Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
