also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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