I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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