Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
