How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize