I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
