WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize