worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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