true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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