i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
