it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
