I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
