I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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