How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize