Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
