where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
