Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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