You just made me feel so damn special
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
