I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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