How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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