He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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