Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
