Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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